34

riding a familiar but new path on my bike, "alexander! my older brother!", i sang to the sun that comes through the trees' ceiling; my younger brother riding alongside me.

***

the floor of the old arndale centre, light dirty squares, donuts you want to make into a wedding cake, clothes made for older bodies, thinking of bookshops and stationers in arcades that i need a student card to reach, the rain hitting the see-through roof of the tunnel - in the nighttime when we're not too young to stay out past seven.

***

walking through the merrion centre, spandau ballet - aching from repetition and filtered through decades-old machinery - booms from the mezzanine balcony of the carpark above me. i feel, as i gingerly hold the corners of a hot sandwich (from the shop with the 60s sign and the beige tiled floor), that i am walking through somebody else's lunch break.

33

i'm not ashamed of working in a supermarket. it's fairly easy money for hanging out with some people i don't mind spending 8 hours a day with.

i work not just to pay the rent, but for lots of little reasons... being able to buy my boyfriend a surprise chocolate bar to have with his cup of tea when he's at work, being able to afford vegetables, being able to consider christmas presents.

when i'm able to get overtime, my mind stops worrying about "whether the seven-year-old me regrets how my life has turned out" and starts flitting about visions of my little dream cottage, saving for a mortgage, buying flowers and aprons.

32

super cute stationery over at ilovedielines

last night me and my girls drank saltaire raspberry blonde and pale ale in arcadia in headingley, which is the closest to a european drinkery i can find where i live. i heartily recommend it, although it can get too busy to sit down sometimes! i don't have to think when i'm with my girls, we just chat chat chat!

also... peep show series 6 is on top form! just started following all of the characters on twitter... didn't think i would ever get into twitter quite so much!! don't know what this says about me. does it mean i'm one of the yoof or having a notevenquitemidtwenties crisis?

xx

31

the last post was a complete jinx

so here i go. i've spent the last week watching reality tv with my boyfriend, whilst the swine flu gallops away from us. today we managed to walk for an hour. thankfully, no more reality tv - watched three hours of the wire in a day so far. walking one hour, tv three hours, sleeping rest of hours.

well, i'm awake and pottering about on the internet, as the music (something shimmering with ciccada sounds) has hypnotised my boyfriend by a resisted but unconquerable wave of sleep.

i'm keen to become more successful with my etsy shop - to live off it - not just to cover bills, but to earn enough to save - is my dream. i want to save for jam jars, decorative wreaths with tiny sugaredalmondcoloured birds, floral wallpaper, art prints, sheet music, dresses, future houses, christmas presents, and mad men (after the wire, it's my turn to buy a tv series for us to watch)

this past week i have been looked after so well by my housemate - we fell into comfortable silences to america's best dancecrew, and she helped us get better without ever being claustrophobic (that's the worry, with the week's incubation period). i miss sarah though, and feel like i've hardly seen her since july! can't wait to see her screenprinted picture soon.

this weekend i wish to achieve: chocolate cake

this week i wish to achieve: sort out my money, list lots on etsy, sell lots on etsy, watch season 4 of the wire

xx

30

i think i'm going to write soon

xx
p.s. my boyfriend's band got reviewed by pitchfork - and they liked them!!
http://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/13370-arrivals/
i'm so proud!

29

been quite a busy kitty recently...

selling buttons now on my etsy, like the one above.....

and reviewing some things for the singles jukebox
here's what i had to say about wild beasts' 'hooting and howling'...

Sophie Green: The isolated vocals and use of dynamic are vital in separating Wild Beasts from the herd. The bouncing of the verses over the pizzicato melody drives the tension, but it is lost when the more Foals-like guitar is introduced. The interest of the first minute is redelivered in the closing third of the song, when the original lyrics return, when it is this time sent careering over the thumping drums against sweet piano embellishments. Sadly, as the guitar is brought back, the reinvigorated intensity of the song dissipates somewhat, and it fades to a finish, rather than expand even further.
[6]

i went home for a few days... which is where i got my nanna's gloriously great buttons and fell in love with her room (which was my mum's old bedroom when she was little). funny how 'your nanna's house' becomes 'on trend'. very much want the laura ashley, small, ditzy blue floral wallpaper on a focal wall, the piles of books, big white dressers with drawers with tags hanging from pretty handles, labels on everything (so much stuff that it simply must be labelled), bags of buttons, bags of lace, patchwork quilt, more floral, cat statues, birthday cards mixed with old photographs with a picture of russell crowe poking through. just lots and lots of things everywhere. i also got a bottle of champagne from my nanna. surreal.

i told my boyfriend i was going to sleep ages ago but he's not here and the only thing that betrays my onlineness is the very fact that i am still online. how do you backdate these things...?

xx

28

pretty stressed out of late...
not good.
not really me either.

escaping but not running away

all of my dreams are action thrillers, i'm sleepy still

going to have a bath at home, be fed food and then return like a happy cat
lying on her back, having her belly rubbed by her man

xx

27

things making me happy today:

1. i was featured in an etsy treasury! click here to see!
2. my boyfriend's mum's rocky road (now with added nuts - yum!)
3. a cup of coffee and some alone time
4. ed harcourt
5. still feeling like an extra mattress (or ten) of comfort, trust and friendship has been added to cushion me now that i've had my first anniversary with my boyfriend

26

xx

25

i suddenly got quite sad when searching for a white shirt and black skirt for my graduation because i realised that i never really needed to buy or wear a white shirt and black skirt for anything ever again. this made me quite miss my old school uniform.

24

sometimes i prefer to see the world through my boyfriend's eyes

23

so where have i been?
i have moved areas
watched daytime television
rediscovered at least four tv soaps
ebayed half of my life
kept reading "white teeth", which is taking me quite a while for some reason
lusted over 99p clothes on ebay
went to kirkstall festival and had a poem written for me
met sarah's lovely and cool sister emily who reminded me of hanging out with my best friend from back home when we were at school (everythingcamebacklikedonniedarkoandhollyoaksandboysinbands)
cut up books and rummaged through bags of old jewellery to put on etsy
got to recognise the local cats (little ginger one and cow cat)
put up with a mighty old heatwave
relaxed after finally finishing university (and receiving my results... 2:1!)
shared meals with my friends
socialise everyday as i now live with my favourite girls

22

I opened my etsy shop, rememberer last wednesday, and sold three postcards already! Yay!

xx

21

I've been helping my boyfriend set up an Etsy page...!

xx

19

on monday, i visited bradford
bradford's a lot like my boyfriend, which i mean in the nicest way
it was all humble and surprise

we found a statue of queen victoria, that we'd seen the day before, in a photo from a hundred years ago. once it had an ostentatious building behind it... then it became the focal point of a traffic island. now it's just a pleasant statue in a pedestrian area. we had lunch in lister park, where the sweet lady working in the cafe admitted she'd never cooked that sandwich before, so we were to tell her if it was ok. it was, of course, lovely. how could it be anything else, with that introduction?

this is a waterstone's in the city centre! what a beautiful building. it summed bradford up nicely... all of these gorgeous buildings, hiding and not showing themselves off.

all photos by me
xx

18

from here

i spent this weekend:
eating my boyfriend's homemade birthday cake
hiding away with him, watching high school musical 1+2
giving and receiving the sort of hugs where you press your whole cheek against their body
learning more about him through his home town and the way he plays guitar
scaring myself by playing an improv set whilst drunk
chatting on the floor with my friends
cooking a last minute meal and spending time with friends
giving birthday presents and feeling like i could never stop giving him everything
finding the future reassuring

xx

17

All I want you to remember about my 21st birthday is that I felt less anxious and stressed than I have for a long time - and I felt (and still feel) very, very loved

the sweet necklace is from here

xx

16

'Living well is the best revenge'

- George Herbert
- My boyfriend's advice over a cup of coffee

15

in the future, all i want:
to share kisses with my boyfriend
to put my feet up on his lap as he works on the computer
to lean back on our bed and read books
to drink the hot chocolate he has made for me, and to let it cool as we kiss
to doze off in the late afternoon sunshine
to make plans as our noses rub each other's
to always be thinking of how to make him happier

photo from here
xx

14

from love exists

xx

13

In the case of good books, the point is not to see how many of them you can get through, but rather how many can get through to you.

— Mortimer J. Adler

(via unicornology) (via thresca) (via quote-book) (via iguessthatscool)

xx

12

Cameron and Ash do a lovely live music podcast with an accompanying webzine of art - it's always a relaxing listen and never fails to put a smile on my face! In the future, there'll be a CD of the bands that have played (who are all recorded in a basement and fed tea and cakes by the boys!) and a gig/exhibition with art and more live music. I can't wait for that!

This month, they feature Pilla, My First Tooth, Tellison, Red Trees and Cielovero. It's all beautiful. I think when this month's podcast finishes I'm going to rewind and play it all from the beginning again.

xx

11

10

joan as police woman - the start of my heart

"the damage i've done / can show me the way to my heart"

xx

9

by gavin miller

gavin's photos are taken by placing a camera on a still surface and pressing "click".
he's never sure what the photo will look like, but i think it's certain that everytime, the colours will be so beautiful. there's a sort of movement to these steady photos; a really dreamy depth.

xx

8

by kevin day
found here

xx

7

Her Name is Calla at The Luminaire, London
10/04/2009

I'm second from the left! Photo by Richard Knox

xx

6

Gorgeous 60s folk photos by John Rudoff, M. D.
He took these when he was a teenager, aren't they amazing?

(found here)

xx

5

not sure where this photo is from, but it is beautiful

My favourite song right now is Mr. Gaunt Pt 1000 by Soap&Skin
click here to hear it on spotify

xx

4

This website combines two of my current favourite musical "tools": Spotify and Last.fm!

It takes your favourite artists from your Last.fm profile and finds the latest albums by that artist/similar artists on Spotify!

Here's the list of what it recommended me - I've spent the day checking out the Björk albums that I'd never gotten around to listening to before!

xx

3

richard dawson is incredible live
i'm so glad i finally found a video of this song!
richard dawson - final moments of the universe

xx

2

i like flicking through my diary and writing down what i have to do and when
i use a purple felt tip for "work" and pink one for "play"

i realised that in a few weeks time, there won't be much purple left at all, as i'll leave university

all i will have is my job, the regular shifts marked in purple will eventually cease to be written in
as they become habitual

it was quite a thrill to realise it could all be as pink as i want it soon

xx

1

by sandra

"Everywhere i looked was something beautiful - Oriental rugs, porcelains, tiny paintings like jewels - a dazzle of fractured color that struck me as if I had stepped into one of those little Byzantine churches that are so plain on the outside; inside, the most paradisal painted eggshell of gilt and tesserae"
(Donna Tartt, The Secret History)

xx