34

riding a familiar but new path on my bike, "alexander! my older brother!", i sang to the sun that comes through the trees' ceiling; my younger brother riding alongside me.

***

the floor of the old arndale centre, light dirty squares, donuts you want to make into a wedding cake, clothes made for older bodies, thinking of bookshops and stationers in arcades that i need a student card to reach, the rain hitting the see-through roof of the tunnel - in the nighttime when we're not too young to stay out past seven.

***

walking through the merrion centre, spandau ballet - aching from repetition and filtered through decades-old machinery - booms from the mezzanine balcony of the carpark above me. i feel, as i gingerly hold the corners of a hot sandwich (from the shop with the 60s sign and the beige tiled floor), that i am walking through somebody else's lunch break.

33

i'm not ashamed of working in a supermarket. it's fairly easy money for hanging out with some people i don't mind spending 8 hours a day with.

i work not just to pay the rent, but for lots of little reasons... being able to buy my boyfriend a surprise chocolate bar to have with his cup of tea when he's at work, being able to afford vegetables, being able to consider christmas presents.

when i'm able to get overtime, my mind stops worrying about "whether the seven-year-old me regrets how my life has turned out" and starts flitting about visions of my little dream cottage, saving for a mortgage, buying flowers and aprons.

32

super cute stationery over at ilovedielines

last night me and my girls drank saltaire raspberry blonde and pale ale in arcadia in headingley, which is the closest to a european drinkery i can find where i live. i heartily recommend it, although it can get too busy to sit down sometimes! i don't have to think when i'm with my girls, we just chat chat chat!

also... peep show series 6 is on top form! just started following all of the characters on twitter... didn't think i would ever get into twitter quite so much!! don't know what this says about me. does it mean i'm one of the yoof or having a notevenquitemidtwenties crisis?

xx

31

the last post was a complete jinx

so here i go. i've spent the last week watching reality tv with my boyfriend, whilst the swine flu gallops away from us. today we managed to walk for an hour. thankfully, no more reality tv - watched three hours of the wire in a day so far. walking one hour, tv three hours, sleeping rest of hours.

well, i'm awake and pottering about on the internet, as the music (something shimmering with ciccada sounds) has hypnotised my boyfriend by a resisted but unconquerable wave of sleep.

i'm keen to become more successful with my etsy shop - to live off it - not just to cover bills, but to earn enough to save - is my dream. i want to save for jam jars, decorative wreaths with tiny sugaredalmondcoloured birds, floral wallpaper, art prints, sheet music, dresses, future houses, christmas presents, and mad men (after the wire, it's my turn to buy a tv series for us to watch)

this past week i have been looked after so well by my housemate - we fell into comfortable silences to america's best dancecrew, and she helped us get better without ever being claustrophobic (that's the worry, with the week's incubation period). i miss sarah though, and feel like i've hardly seen her since july! can't wait to see her screenprinted picture soon.

this weekend i wish to achieve: chocolate cake

this week i wish to achieve: sort out my money, list lots on etsy, sell lots on etsy, watch season 4 of the wire

xx

30

i think i'm going to write soon

xx
p.s. my boyfriend's band got reviewed by pitchfork - and they liked them!!
http://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/13370-arrivals/
i'm so proud!

29

been quite a busy kitty recently...

selling buttons now on my etsy, like the one above.....

and reviewing some things for the singles jukebox
here's what i had to say about wild beasts' 'hooting and howling'...

Sophie Green: The isolated vocals and use of dynamic are vital in separating Wild Beasts from the herd. The bouncing of the verses over the pizzicato melody drives the tension, but it is lost when the more Foals-like guitar is introduced. The interest of the first minute is redelivered in the closing third of the song, when the original lyrics return, when it is this time sent careering over the thumping drums against sweet piano embellishments. Sadly, as the guitar is brought back, the reinvigorated intensity of the song dissipates somewhat, and it fades to a finish, rather than expand even further.
[6]

i went home for a few days... which is where i got my nanna's gloriously great buttons and fell in love with her room (which was my mum's old bedroom when she was little). funny how 'your nanna's house' becomes 'on trend'. very much want the laura ashley, small, ditzy blue floral wallpaper on a focal wall, the piles of books, big white dressers with drawers with tags hanging from pretty handles, labels on everything (so much stuff that it simply must be labelled), bags of buttons, bags of lace, patchwork quilt, more floral, cat statues, birthday cards mixed with old photographs with a picture of russell crowe poking through. just lots and lots of things everywhere. i also got a bottle of champagne from my nanna. surreal.

i told my boyfriend i was going to sleep ages ago but he's not here and the only thing that betrays my onlineness is the very fact that i am still online. how do you backdate these things...?

xx

28

pretty stressed out of late...
not good.
not really me either.

escaping but not running away

all of my dreams are action thrillers, i'm sleepy still

going to have a bath at home, be fed food and then return like a happy cat
lying on her back, having her belly rubbed by her man

xx